i dont think most people associate it with behaving like a woman, at least i dont ever use it like that
if i hit my foot on something and say “you -idontwannagetbanned-!” theres no association with any womanlike behavior lol
same with like an annoying boss fight in a video game, i might call it that, not thinking even for a nanosecond that the behaviour is in any way womanly
i just use it as a more vulgar synonym for “annoying” really. i dont associate women with being annoying nor do i think that being annoying is a female trait. i would hope that most people think the same too but im ready to be proven wrong.
i hear the word relatively often from women who do use it against women too so in my experience theres not much of a case for it being a slur if the hurt group uses it as often or more often than others
your first point is a pretty good one, ill give this a deeper thought and see what conclusion i make on whether to keep using the word or not.
the second point is not as great, i dont ever see a black person calling anyone the hard r. i feel like the “friendly” n word is a different word entirely, even if it has the same origin. but that doesnt matter, ill focus on ur first one and will think about it further